Bluetooth hell

I may have blogged about this in the past, but I am so annoyed I have to post again.

I fucking HATE those Bluetooth earpiece things. I mean, I have one, but I hate them. They are great for in the car. You don't have to be distracted by holding your phone up to your ear while drinking coffee and causing accidents. BUT THAT IS IT. Leave the stupid things in your car. Nothing makes me madder than seing people walk around with those dumb things glued to their ears (actually a lot of things make me madder, just not right now). I was at the doctor's office the other day and a patient came out of the office with the thing on his ear. How rude can you be?

Maybe they were cool to wear at one point, but now they are just plain stupid. The only thing I hate more than the earpieces are the Nextel 2-way radios. They were invented for construction workers so they could quickly communicate at job sites, not for people who are too lazy to put the phone to their ears.

I digress.

We caught one!

Yayyyyyyyy, we caught one of the nasty iguanas in our backyard! And, it only costs $10 to have one removed. WOOOO HOOOOO!

Photos

Our pool guy thinks we're gross

When I was a kid we had a pool at our condo. Nothing was more fun than playing in the pool for hours in the summer. As kids, we would think of games to play in the pool (Marco Polo, anyone?)to pass the time. One of my favorite games was a simple one: diving for rings. We had a few plastic rings that you threw in the pool and they sank to the bottom. We would throw them in and then dive to get them. Simple and to the point, this was a game that I loved (much like dogs like fetching sticks).

Now that I am grown up and have my own pool, I thought it appropriate that Steven and I have some pool rings. Well, somewhere between when I was a kid and today, the allure of diving for pool rings has diminished, becaue you can't find them anywhere!

What I did find, however, was a toy torpedo. The cool thing about the toy is the you throw it underwater and it shoots through the pool for a long distance. Steven and I, being perpetually 7 years old, played for hours with the new toy last night. I left it in the pool, since no one was around to yell at me to clean up my toys.

This morning the pool guy came to work his chemical magic with the water and to clean the pool. I noticed after he left that the toy was still on the bottom of the pool. And, I noticed that the toy closely resembles a vibrator. Oops. What he must be thinking!

Alligator Alley

Yes, Virginia, there really are alligators in Alligator Alley.

This weekend we drove to Fort Myers. To get there you must cross through Alligator Alley, an 85-mile stretch of road that passes through the Florida Everglades. The first time we made the trip, I didn't see any alligators. Not one. But this time, I saw two!! It is hard to spot them while you're whizzing by on the highway, but this time I made an effort to see if I could locate some. I spied with my little eye an alligator! It was pretty neat to see them swimming in the canals that run parallel to the road.

Many folks bring their boats to Alligator Alley to enjoy the fishing. Apparently this area is teeming with wildlife. I don't know that I would want to hang out on a small boat when there are hungry gators swimming around, but to each his own.

Seperated at birth?

Check out this posting for a dog. This dog looks EXACTLY like our dog, Millie. It's uncanny. Plus, this dog is wayyy cute, just like our Millie.



If you'd like to learn more about this dog, please visit NEARR.

If this dog is anything like Millie, you will have a great friend for life!

Use your blinker, fool

I don't know how to say this any other way: everyone in my state drives like complete assholes.

It's a known fact that driving along Route 95 is a death wish. People speed in and out of lanes like they are in a movie. I've seen nothing like it anywhere else. Boston wasn't bad becuase there was so much traffic, people simply couldn't go anywhere fast. But here it is much different. The traffic is steady, but moving. This causes a big problem because people use this opportunity to drive like jerks. I have seen countless accidents on 95, cars flipped over, smashed against the jersey barriers, on top of other cars, you name it and it has happened on 95. It took me a few months to figure out what the problem was, but I have now discovered the reason: there are NO cops on the road. None. I think I have seen 2 police cars on 95 and both times they were looking for single drivers trying to sneak onto the HOV lanes. Come on, there are people driving like idiots all over the road and they are looking for HOV sneaks?? I don't get it.

Another thing that makes me insane is that NO ONE uses their turn signals. I am used to it now, so I know how to spot the crazies who are going to shoot into another lane without signalling, or the loser who decides to make a quick right-turn into McDonalds with no signal whatsoever. It's a big deal to drive anywhere.

The most appalling part of all this mayheim is that my state is a no-fault state. What that means is that no matter who caused the accident, both parties pay the price. I doesn't take a rocket scientist to point out the huge flaw in this system. Add that to the fact that you don't need to get your vehicle inspected here and you're left with a bunch of rusty cars driving 100mph down 95, crashing into each other. I hope the police someday catch someone sneaking into the HOV lane. Hopefully they will at least use their signal.

Sopranos - I am dissapointed

I caught the final episode of The Sopranos last night. I knew last night was the final for the show, and while I haven't been a die-hard watcher for a few years, I wanted to see if they all kicked it at the end.

** SPOILER ALERT***

Not only did no one in the immediate Sopranos family die, but there was only one gruesome scene in the whole episode. I guess it would be too obvious to kill off the entire family in the final episode. But what the writers did was leave us viewers wondering what will happen to Tony and his crew.

What I took away from the whole thing is that they live on, continuing their "normal" lives, unaffected by the end of the show.

A writer for CNN put it perfectly:

"The finale displayed their lives continuing, for better and worse, unaffected by the fact that the series is done. The implication was, they will go on as usual. We just won't be able to watch."

And it is true. Tony will continue on, reigning mob boss for north Jersey. We just won't be able to be a part of that. Oh well. Life goes on. My favorite new show is Weeds on Showtime, anyway.

Oy Vey, Iguanas

I've pretty much told anyone who will listen about our iguana problem. Even those who aren't listening. I just talk louder.

We have a family of iguanas that call our backyard home. It's a known problem in Florida that iguanas are everywhere. Careless iguana owners have let their pets go into the wilds of Florida and the nasty buggers have mated and mated and mated. Now they are everywhere.

Every day when the sun is out, the fuckers lay on our pool wall and sun themselves. I wouldn't mind if they were little, like the lizards that run around, but these bastards are giant. We chase them away, or in Steven's case, throw the BBQ grill brush at them so that they jump into the canal behind our house (note: don't eat on our grill - we don't have a brush to clean it).

We've heard of iguana bounty hunters, but that sounds expensive. Plus, there are some people down here who like the horrible creatures. I don't understand how someone could like something that will bite you and scratch you and give you salmonella poisoning. Call me crazy.

Yesterday I took Millie outside and as soon as she crossed through the door her head darted towards the pool wall. Laying there was a GINORMOUS iguana. It must have been 50 feet long (OK, really it was more like 5, but I like to exaggerate). It looked like something out of Jurassic Park. It was time for action.

Quick like a bunny, I went for my best weapon...Google. I typed as fast as I could and found some interesting information on these asshole lizards. It is OK to kill iguanas in Florida as long as you do it in a humane way (the website specifically noted that using a cross-bow was not allowed, apparently there are a lot of cross-bow wielding people down here. I shouldn't be surprised). But, you can FREEZE them to death.

I bought a trap (A Havahart one, to be kind). Now I am looking for a big chest freezer. It's ironic that they recommend a humane trap to catch the critter, but then suggest you put it in the freezer to do it in. Go figure.

I heard Sears is having a big sale this weekend. I've got to check it out.

I'm BAAAAACK!

After too long of a hiatus, I am back posting in cyberspace. Why, you ask? Because I don't have a job and trying to catch the iguanas that are running around the yard has proven pointless. The little bastards can climb trees and jump into the river to escape me. Fuckers.

So, since you have a job and I do not, I am going to spend my free time writing about random things on my blog and hoping that you will read it. Or at least come to Florida and help me catch lizards. I read somewhere that it is legal in the state of Florida to euthanize iguanas by putting them in a freezer. WTF? Actually, we do have a beer fridge outside and the freezer is empty. MUAH MUAH MUAH.

Creepy time at the mall

I needed to take a test this morning. The testing center is located in a mall not too far from my house. When I arrived at the mall it was closed. Not just closed, but out of business. I found a security guard nearby and asked him where the testing center was. He told me it was in the mall and only one door was open.

When I walked into the mall (through the one open door), I was shocked. All of the stores were closed and vacated. The place was a ghost town. He told me to go through the mall and up an escalator to the testing center. As I walked through the mall I couldn't help but feel that I was in a horror movie. I mean, this was so creepy. Picture the Cambridegside Galleria, but with all the stores vacated. It was a big mall.

Sure enough, the testing center was open and there were a lot of people there (they do technology testing). I was amazed that no one thought it strange that we are all in a creepy abandoned mall.

Apparently they are going to tear down the Mall and the testing center is the last tenant to leave (the receptionist said that there was a shoe store still open, but I didn't wander around to find it).

So anyway, there isn't much point to my story other than I had to go to a creepy mall today. Plus, it was pouting rain and kind of dark.

I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried.

If you don't believe me (or don't care), here is a link to the mall. It is called the Fashion Mall. I guess it was destroyed in a hurricane.
http://fort.lauderdale.retailguide.com/data/m101582.htm