another bar story

I seem to have a lot of bar stories. That must mean that I spend a lot of time in bars. Hmmm...

There was one time Steven and I were at a bar and this guy and his friend sat next to us, with Steven to my right and the guys to my left. I didn't pay them much attention as Steven and I are usually gabbing away at each other.

A minute or so after they sat down, the guy to my left put his arm around me. I looked over to see who it was and I could tell right away he was blottoed. And I don't mean just drunk, but eyes crossed, head wobbling, mouth hanging open shitfaced. For some reason his friend left a few minutes later. I don't know who his "friend" was anyway. It could have been someone he just met that night, but it was immediately clear that this guy was now alone. And three sheets to the wind.

Here's where it gets interesting. He took off his pants.

I'm not sure what prompted him to do this, but he unbuckled his jeans and slid them off and onto the floor, leaving him sitting on the barstool next to me in his boxers. Steven and I howled with laughter. He thought it was perfectly normal and kept drinking his beer. Well, he wasn't exactly drinking his beer, he was more like knocking over his beer and everything else within his reach.

Did I mention that this guy wasn't wearing any shoes?

I can't remember exactly what he was saying to me, but at one point he was talking to me in a faux-British accent. I used my best British accent and we conversed. I think he said he went to boarding school in Europe. Or maybe I said that. I can't remember. The bartender traded in his beer for some water, but that wasn't helping. When he began to spit into the ashtray, the bartender threw him out.

I feel bad for him in a way. I mean, we've all been there, and believe me, I am no saint. It's just that I hope, hope, hope I don't ever make a fool out of myself like he did. Also, someone could easily have taken advantage of him in his state. Lucky for him the bartenders put him in a cab and sent him on his way.

We never did find his shoes.