something pooped in our pool

OK, this post is nasty, so beware if you read on. Why I am posting this, you ask? Because it is my calling in life to educate you, dear readers, on the various dangers of living in south Florida.

You have been warned.

This morning I was out on the patio having a cup of coffee and I noticed that Millie practically had her snout in the water. This was unlike her because she HATES the water. At first I thought she was drinking the pool water, which would mean that something was wrong with her. As I stood up to investigate, she moved away from the pool. When I came to the edge of the pool I noticed a giant load of diarrhea had been deposited on one of the steps in the pool. I was stunned.

Who could have done this? I mean, this was a lot of poop. My first reaction was that Millie had been sick and dropped a deuce in the water, but then I remembered that would probably be the last thing she would do since she hates the water so much and has never, as much as I have begged her on rainy days, pooped in our yard. So it wasn't her.

Was it Steven? Did he sleep walk in the night and mistake our pool for the toilet? Probably not. He doesn't roam far from the bedroom in the night.

My last suspect was an animal. But what kind? I have seen lots of iguanas and lizards in our yards, plus birds and a mouse and snake, but none of those could produce this kind of mess. Some searching online revealed that it was most likely a raccoon. That doesn't make me very happy.

Today also happens to be the day that our pool guy comes to clean the pool. There was no way I was leaving a load of diarrhea in the pool for him to think we created, so I used the skimmer to remove it. Nasty, nasty, nasty. The good news is that we keep our pool quite chlorinated, so any remaining grossness will be killed by that.

I can think of a million better ways to start my day than finding that kind of stuff in the pool.

joe posa poses

Last night a few of us headed over to Lips for dinner and a show. The entertainment was Joe Posa, performing his one-man show, 'Joe Posa Poses' (say that three times fast!). It was a lot of fun. Lips was having a special where you had dinner and saw Joe Posa for a special price. The dinner was pretty good and Joe Posa was even better. We had all seen Joe once before on an afternoon cruise that we took a few weeks ago.

What is particularly interesting to me about Joe Posa is that although he looks fabulous dressed in drag, he has a smokin' body. Last night he performed as Joan Rivers, Liza Minelli and Barbara Streisand. After each skit he would literally rip off his outfit to reveal his muscular self and then dance around in a skimpy bathing suit. I've seen a lot of drag in my days, but never a show like this. It was a lot of fun.

After that we headed to our favorite bar, Scandals, for a nightcap. It was a great was to spend a Tuesday night.

the undisputed best set of photos on flickr, ever!

I think you will agree, this is the best set of photos on Flickr that you have ever seen (some are NSFW, but most are OK). Enjoy!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/momo0214/show/

ahh, so nice to be back to the gym

It was so great to go to the gym this morning. After last week's culinary debauchary, I am sure that I am a few pounds heavier and have just a little less room in my arteries. But, boy was it worth it. My Lean Cuisine lunch couldn't hold a candle to what we ate in Tennessee.

Anyway, I digress. Steven and I pumped our little hearts out at the gym this morning and I feel like a new man. Now all we need is to quit the ciggies, stop all the drinkin', eat lettuce more often and we're golden. Easier said than done...

Oakland Park man finds human skeleton in his backyard

Never a dull moment on Fort Lauderdale. We live on NW 37th Street. The skeleton in the tree was found 7 streets away. That's a little too close for comfort!

From the Sun-Sentinel:

A homeowner inspecting a freshly trimmed tree found an entire human skeleton dangling from the branches, the Broward Sheriff's Office said Friday.Workers had cut the branches of a tree in the backyard of Glenn Parker, 45, on the 1200 block of Northwest 43rd Street on Thursday.

The crew had been sent by the phone company so a repair team could get access to a nearby telephone pole, the Sheriff's Office said.Parker inspected the tree Friday afternoon and found the human remains hidden behind the remaining foliage.Authorities on scene were able to remove a skull, a hand and the rest of a skeleton, which had been dangling several feet off the ground, the Sheriff's Office said.

The Broward County Medical Examiner's Office will be examining the remains for a cause of death, though authorities believe it may have been suicide.The skeleton had probably been up in the tree for at least a year, the Sheriff's Office said.

chinese food, and then?

If you've ever seen the classic (not) 'Dude, Where's My Car?', you may remember the part where the dudes go to the drive through Chinese food place and the woman taking their order keeps saying "And then?". The dudes get so mad, they smash up the chinese food speaker thingie. Here is a clip if you don't remember: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ez8S5BqaNlw

Last night we ordered Chinese food and the man on the phone kept saying "And then?". It totally cracked me up (in my 12 year-old mind) because I immediately thought of Ashton Kutcher in that scene. While my order taker guy didn't keep going and drive me crazy, it was good for a laugh while we waited for the order to arrive.

And then? We went to bed.

miami, you've got style

who's a slut?

spam cracks me up

Do you ever look at the subject line of spam messages? Sometimes I just have to laugh. I frequently check my spam folder to make sure that my overzealous Outlook hasn't moved legitimate messages to the spam folder. Usually 1 in 300 is a real message, but I like to check just to be certain.

I have to give the spammers some credit - they are pretty clever with the titles. Here are some of my favorites from today's spam folder check:

• Conrad Mugnus! Best Cialis from Canada. - Conrad Magnus? That's a porn name if I ever heard one.
• Works with sexual stimulation. - what does? A toaster?
• Women love men who take the little blue pill. - Yeah, Aleve is so good.
• Britney is lesbian. - Yeah, so? That won't get me to open your email.
• Sniptious things for your style. - Sniptious? Is that even a word?
• No impotence. - That's right. No!
• Does your penis size ruin your life? - well, not really, but thanks for asking.
• Huge tool to please your lassie. - oh yeah, now that's what I'm talking about.

gatlinburg - our last night :(

Boo. We are back home in Fort Lauderdale now. That means back to reality and I simply am not ready for all that just yet. Luckily, I took tomorrow off, but my day is already full with things I have to do. I am very excited to pick Millie up from the dogie camp and give her a big kiss. I miss my dog.

I can't say enough about how much fun we all had in Tennessee. Our cabin was out of this world, the food was superb, Dollywood was a hoot, and most of all, I really love the group of friends that we travelled with. I think we all travelled well together and I am grateful for this experience.

gatlinburg - coming to a close

I am so lucky. The 9 of us that travelled to Gatlinburg have had such a fantastic time. Never have I travelled with such a large group of people who all travel well together. We had some hairy situations and we came through them all as champs.

Yesterday we spent the day at Dollywood, which was the main purpose of the trip, although that wasn't the case most of the time. We relaxed and enjoyed our fabulous cabin, with trips down the mountain to Gatlinburg sprinkled in. Today I have not left the house. Not once. It has been such a treat a treat to not have to worry about anything. I had one work-related phone call, but it lasted less then 20 minutes and left my mind as soon as I hung up. We watched Cannonball Run and Grandma's Boy in the theater.

Tonight we are having our last homemade group meal. It is bittersweet. On one hand, this is my group's turn to cook. We are making spare ribs (with homemade rub and BBQ sauce), homemade potato chips, cheese biscuits, and kale. Yummers. However, on the other hand, tomorrow we all go our separate ways. Some of the group will stay in Nashville, where are all leaving from. The rest of us head to Boston and Fort Lauderdale. It is a special occasion when we can all be together. It will most likely be a year before we are all together, and I am really looking forward to the time when we can do it again.

post #401: gatlinburg dinner #2

Wow, again, tonight we had a wonderful meal. Tomorrow night is our night. I am a little nervous. The last two night's meals have raised the bar pretty high!

tour of our dollywood cabin

Check out this place! Sweet. I had to break it up into two videos because my camera shut off midway through my tour. This is the coolest cabin. We have been so comfortable here. We've mainly cooked in, which is a lot of fun with nine people. Tonight we are having another delicious feast after our day at Dollywood. I'll report back later, y'all!

fried chicken, tomato pie, macaroni & cheese, yellow squash

Wow, what a meal! We were speechless. Well, B and L were :)

we made it to dollywood! finally...

Phew! We made it to Gatlinburg/Pigeon Forge tonight after a full day of excitement. The day began simply enough. We ventured out of Nashville on our planned 4 hour trip to Eastern Tennessee. Our ride was smooth sailing until we got off the Interstate at Gatlinburg. From there the traffic stopped. And stopped. And stopped. It took us 5 hours to go 9 miles. No fucking kidding. If this wasn't a test of our collective friendship, then I am a hyena. I have to say that we all did really well in our 12 passenger van, the 9 of us. There were some tense moments when we wanted to all jump out of the van and bang our heads on the sidewalk, but like a fine wine that has just been opened, we blossomed, and all made it safely to our cabin.

The cabin is amazing. I will post pictures tomorrow, but to give you a sneak peek, here I am, fresh out of the hot tub, eating a piece of pizza:

dollywood, muscles, and blinkers

1) We leave for Dollywood tomorrow. There are 9 of us. We are going to have so much fun. I don't care what we do, I am just glad that we are all going to be together. Jeez, I sounded like my mother just then. I am planning on bringing my laptop, so I will blog if we have Internet access at the mountain house (I think we do).

2) Holy shit. My arm and shoulder muscles are KILLING me today. I can barely put my arms over my head. Wow, that means I am totally out of shape.

3) Again, drivers of Florida, I must scold you for not using your blinkers. I don't know what happened, if it was a budget cut or something, but people who drive in Florida must not have learned what that stick on the side of a steering wheel does, because people down here continue to fail to use their turn signals despite my frequent rantings. Maybe someday they will get it.

my muscles ache

Steven and I have started a workout regimen. Last night we worked on weights and this morning we worked on cardio exercise. I have never been much into weights, but living in south Florida with all the muscle heads has made me rethink my girly arms. I want big guns!

Steven has experience with weights, so we worked out together and he showed me the different machines and how to use them. I'll admit, I do like lifting weights. But, boy, my muscles are screaming at me today. Just typing this post I can feel my muscles aching. But it's worth it.

There are a lot of meat heads at our gym. I don't want to be too jacked, but I'd like to have some definition. I wonder if this means I am going to have to get a tattoo. All the cool kids are doing it.

i threw up in my mouth a little

There were quite a few dogs at the dog park today when I took Millie. We walk from our house to the dog park and back. All together, it's about 2.5 miles. Not a bad walk. Plus, Millie is always pooped when we return to the house.

Two of the dogs at the park today made me laugh. One was a giant Mastiff-type dog and the other was a yellow lab puppy. All the dogs were playing around and it was very cute. And then it happened.

Close your eyes if you don't want to be grossed out. Unfortunately for me, I didn't have that luxury. The giant Mastiff took a giant Mastiff poop and the yellow lab puppy ran over and...wait for it... ATE IT. NASTY!!!! It all happened so fast I didn't realize at first what I was seeing. It was so disgusting. And the puppy's owner came running over and took the dog away, which led me to believe this isn't the first time that has happened. Ewwww, can you imaging getting a kiss from that puppy? No thanks. I'll stick with Millie. She is too stuck up to do gross things.

all my shows are back on!

I am SO happy that the writers figured out their issues and the shows are back on. That strike was KILLING me! One side effect of the strike was that I started watching shows that I didn't watch pre-strike. For example, Samantha Who?, Pushing Daisies (thanks MGC!), Dirty Sexy Money, Cashmere Mafia, Carpoolers, How I Met Your Mother...the list goes on.

I go home for lunch and almost always watch a show while I eat. Since my regular shows weren't producing any new stuff, I had to branch out. I bet I'm not the only person who did that, so maybe there was a silver lining on the giant writer's strike cloud after all.

just playing his trumpet

When I pulled into the parking lot at work this morning I noticed the guy who was parked next to me was sitting in his car...playing a trumpet. Yeah, I said a trumpet. WTF?

i had a hot dog at hooters

My friend M asked me to lunch today. She couldn't decide which place she wanted to eat at and asked me for some ideas. Normally we go for Mexican food, but Steven and I had Mexican last night, so that was out. I gave her some suggestions and kiddingly suggested Hooters because I had heard that their wings were good (this is true, I did hear that). Well, low and behold, she chose Hooters!

I arrived at Hooters a few minutes before she did and I laughed to myself as people whom I work with were streaming into the restaurant. I guess I wasn't the only one who wanted to try their wings.

True to what I had heard, all the waitresses there are walking around with little orange shorts on and giant boobs that peek out of their short, tight shorts. I couldn't help but look at their boobs and asses as they walked by. I mean, that's what your supposed to do while you're there, right?

M and I had the wings for an appetizer and they were very good. They give you a good mix of thighs and wings, which is nice because wings aren't my favorite. I ordered the deluxe hot dog, which comes with chili and baked beans. It was good. I wasn't sure what to order because the only thing I knew about was their wings.

Besides the waitresses, M was one of only a handful of women in the place. It is definitely a guy's joint, obviously.

So, there you have it. My first time to Hooters. It was, well, a hoot.

P.S. The only thing I didn't do there was have a beer. I don't like to drink at lunch, so I just had water, but it definitely is a beer place. And this particular Hooters is getting a full liquor license soon, so bring it on.

rice cookers rock!

I love our new electric rice cooker. We bought it to make the Jambalaya recipe, but we have been using it to make rice at least once a week. We have switched to Basmati rice (the kind you get in Indian restaurants). We both like it better than long grain rice.

There are two major reasons I love this rice cooker. First, it is SO easy. You put in one cup of rice and a cup and a half of water, put the lid on, press the power button and walk away. Somehow the rice cooker knows how long it needs to cook the rice and when it is done it sets the temperature to warm and keeps your rice nice and hot until you're ready to eat it.

Second, I love how the rice cooker makes the rice a little crunchy on the bottom. It gives (for us) a new twist on rice.

Last night Steven had to work late (2 am!, WTF?). I made a chicken breast, rice, peas and corn and watched the Golden Girls on Tivo. It was a good night, but I felt bad for poor Steven.

classical version of 'barbie girl'

Pure genius!

quick post

Howdy y'all. I am slammed at work for the next couple days, so I might not have time to post.

Not much is going on right now otherwise. We joined a gym and are working on our bodies. When I have belonged to gyms in the past, I have always focused on cardio exercises. Now I want to mix in some strength training and weights. I'd like to build up my arms and chest. I feel like my arms are skinny and I want to loose my man-boobs (moobs, if you will).

Also, I picked up a prescription for Chantix from my doctor, but after talking with a number of people who have tried it, I am having second thoughts. I won't get into the details here, but if you'd like to read more about Chantix, this is a good article. I definitely need to quit smoking, but something like the patch might work better for me. We'll see. We go on our Dollywood vacation next week and I don't think this is the right time to quit.

this was my first time at the rodeo

We went to the rodeo today. This was my first time at a rodeo. Steven has been before as a kid, so he knew some of the events. We went with a friend and arrived just in time to see the goat dressing event. I've posted a video of this because I can't accurately describe how it works. In a nutshell, a team of two runs 50 feet to a goat, grabs the goat's feet and puts a pair of underwear on the goat. Yes, I said underwear. Briefs, in fact. After the goat has underwear on, the team runs back and crosses the finish line.

This event is timed and the team that completes the task fastest wins. The fastest team we saw did it in 10 seconds. That is pretty fast. The goats weren't thrilled about wearing underwear, but you could tell after a few times they got a little used to it. One goat even followed the team after they installed the underwear on him. It was really cute and no goats were harmed in the process.

this kid can drink some beer

I don't know if I am in awe of this kid or if I want to punch him. Either way, I must be getting older because this guy looks like he is 16. If that.

He drinks 6 beers in 10 seconds. I shit you not.

john mccain's wife looks evil

Have you noticed how John McCain's wife looks a little like Cruella DeVille? She might be a very nice lady, but she always has this look on her face like she is going to kick a puppy or eat a small child. I don't know how I feel about her being first lady. I felt the same way about Theresa Heinz Kerry. She totally wasn't into the whole first lady gig. You could see it on her face.

Part of the whole presidential package is the first lady (or man, in the Clinton's case). I think they should have all the ladies (or man, in the Clinton's case) get together and debate. I don't know much about any of the spouses except Bill Clinton. I'd like to meet the potential first ladies (or man, in the Clinton's case).

this made me laugh out loud

For some reason my blog peeps are having problems allowing us to upload pictures, so I couldn't post the pic that made me laugh out loud, but here is a link to it. It is work safe.

http://www.wwtdd.com/post.phtml?pk=4413

kosta's greek restaurant

Last night a group of us met up at Kosta's, a Greek restaurant in Lighthouse Point (Pompano Beach). This unassuming place really packs a wallop!

When we arrived, the owners were super friendly and gave us a giant round table. I like round tables better than rectangular for groups because then everyone can talk and it doesn't seem like you can only talk to the people around you, while the rest of the group has their own conversation.

Kosta, the owner, is a former boxer. And it shows. Every now and then you would hear "Opa!", followed by a plate being smashed on the floor. The first time I heard it, it startled me a little, but I got used to it after a bit and even wanted to do it myself (they said no). When we asked what kind of wine they had, they told us red or white. I love that. Too much choice is a bad thing. We chose red.

OK, the food. Wow. When you arrive they drop off a basket of pita slices that have been soaked in olive oil and then warmed, with parmesan cheese on top. Yummy. For appetizers we had the traditional dips, tzatziki, etc. And a delicious salad. What I love about this salad is that there were stuffed grape leaves in it. How cool is that? Mixed with the feta, tomatoes, onions, etc., boy, this was delicious.

For our meals, we ordered a few different things and ate family style. Anyone who knows Steven and me knows that we are big eaters. I looked across the table at Steven and could tell that he, too, was concerned that there wouldn't be enough food for us all (there were 6 of us). We were so wrong. We had skirt steak, green beans, lemon-soaked potatoes, chicken kabobs, rice, spinach & feta pie. Wooh. I am getting full just remembering everything we ate. Oh, and for dessert we all sampled a bite of baklavah. Mmmmm.

With 4 bottles of (red) wine, all the appetizers and entrees and even dessert, how much do you think this cost? I was stunned when I saw the bill.

$35/person including tip. That is really good, considering when this group goes out it isn't uncommon for the bill to be $50+/person. Not too shabby!

Kosta's
5024 N. Federal Highway
Lighthouse Point, FL 33064
954-571-3842

the alligators are horny

Today's Sun-Sentinel has an article about how this time of year is when the alligators put on their Barry White albums and look for some lovin'. Just yesterday there was an alligator wandering over a bridge, presumably looking for some action.

Our good friend ES is coming from Boston next weekend for a visit. Maybe we will see some alligator action during her visit! I am pretty certain there aren't any alligators in our canal, but I wouldn't be surprised if there were some in the lake near our house.

I tried to find an estimate of how many alligators reside in and around Florida. I wasn't successful, but I always see an alligator or two when we drive across Alligator Alley and I saw one in the salt water when we were driving back from the Keys. So, it is probably safe to say there are a lot of gators down here.

cubans line up to buy dvd players, motorbikes as government eases consumer sales ban

This is so awesome. What a cool moment in history that we all get to witness.

From the Sun-Sentinel:

HAVANA - Cuban shoppers are snapping up DVD players, motorbikes and electric rice cookers that are going on sale to the general public for the first time.Lines stretch out the doors of major government department stores as Cubans gaze at the new gadgets on display.The goods that went on sale Tuesday previously were available only to foreigners. But the government of new President Raul Castro has lifted that ban.There was no sign yet of two highly anticipated items: computers and microwaves, though salespeople said computers would soon hit the shelves.

not much is going on today

Today is a slow news day, both with me and also with the Internets. I guess that isn't a bad thing, but there isn't anything I want to write about today. Let's see, there must be something. Ooh, I got one - I went to Rosie's for lunch today and had a BLT. There was a ton of bacon on it, and while I do love me some bacon, this was more than I could handle.

The Poseidon Adventure was on TV at Rosie's - the original one. There was no sound, but I got the gist of it. I saw the new one a year or so ago. It was pretty good. What a scary thought, though, to be on a big cruise ship like that at have it capsize. Oh my!

Tonight we are having scallops for dinner. Yeah, it's all about the food.